I could not locate the phrase or word nutjob in any of the dictionaries I consulted and take its absence as liberty to proffer my own definition...nutjob n. / slang / person whose delusions adversely impact surrounding habitats. Unlike narcissist and bipolar, which are unduly clinical, or jerk and a--hole, which are respectively bland and uncouth, nutjob possesses a richer and more playful timbre - in the same spirit as blowhard, yet, like the term douche bag, is more derogatory than calling someone a piece of work.
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You may wonder how I became an authority on nutjobs. Well, for nearly a decade I lived a stone's throw away from one. Credentials aside, you may then ask how any of this relates to Evins Mill. It doesn't - except for nutjobs. You see, years ago my neighbor converted his residence into what is known as an "event venue," a municipal designation allowing homeowners in residentially zoned areas to host special events.
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If the term special event sounds benign, note that it is often a coiffed euphemism for a large and lively reception. Maybe my friends and I were unusually raucous, but the wedding receptions of my early adulthood were among the most exuberant and profligate events I've had the pleasure of attending – if not always accurately recollecting. Think about it. It's a highly charged affair to begin with. You're young. The drinks are flowing. The band is playing. You and your chums are all dressed-up - and so too is that cute bridesmaid you've been eying. The evening is pregnant with possibility, from romantic forays to sophomoric hi jinks.
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While I can still howl at the moon with as much verve as my younger self once did, I do believe businesses should host such nocturnal revelries in appropriately zoned areas, not in residential neighborhoods. My opposition to this endeavor didn't just irk my nutjob of a neighbor - it drove him apoplectic. With a weak case to defend, he did what many politicians do to advance their interests - deflect attention away from the substance of an issue by impugning the integrity of those with opposing viewpoints. His primary line of attack framed me as a rival business owner, intent on devouring the competition - and his home to boot.
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No matter that dozens of other neighbors with no affiliation to the hospitality industry also opposed it. No matter that Evins Mill is located on a forested and restful forty acres over an hour from the nearest urban center, while my neighbor's home sat on a half-acre lot in an urban neighborhood. No matter that I served on the board of the state association of inns and was later asked to serve as its president. No matter that when my neighbor once inexplicably asked me to acquire his home - and thus his business, I categorically refused.
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No matter that nothing in my biography suggests I am motivated by such avarice. None of this mattered to Nutjob, who incessantly pitched neighbors and city officials alike that I was unscrupulously trying to sabotage his business expressly to benefit my own. So convinced was he of this fabricated and far-fetched reality, he eventually sued me for $50,000 and filed an injunction that would have effectively muzzled my opposition. He later retreated - perhaps even he grasped the absurd.
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Other than disclosing his gender, I've taken every precaution to hide Nutjob's identity. It would be in poor taste to do otherwise, though prudence also played a role - I'm not exactly itching for another fight. To be safe though, I've established a legal defense fund and ask you to consider a donation or note of support by clicking here. Or if you're an attorney and are open to bartering with Evins Mill, call me - after this blog, I may need to lawyer up and mount another defense.
You may wonder how I became an authority on nutjobs. Well, for nearly a decade I lived a stone's throw away from one. Credentials aside, you may then ask how any of this relates to Evins Mill. It doesn't - except for nutjobs. You see, years ago my neighbor converted his residence into what is known as an "event venue," a municipal designation allowing homeowners in residentially zoned areas to host special events.
~
If the term special event sounds benign, note that it is often a coiffed euphemism for a large and lively reception. Maybe my friends and I were unusually raucous, but the wedding receptions of my early adulthood were among the most exuberant and profligate events I've had the pleasure of attending – if not always accurately recollecting. Think about it. It's a highly charged affair to begin with. You're young. The drinks are flowing. The band is playing. You and your chums are all dressed-up - and so too is that cute bridesmaid you've been eying. The evening is pregnant with possibility, from romantic forays to sophomoric hi jinks.
~
While I can still howl at the moon with as much verve as my younger self once did, I do believe businesses should host such nocturnal revelries in appropriately zoned areas, not in residential neighborhoods. My opposition to this endeavor didn't just irk my nutjob of a neighbor - it drove him apoplectic. With a weak case to defend, he did what many politicians do to advance their interests - deflect attention away from the substance of an issue by impugning the integrity of those with opposing viewpoints. His primary line of attack framed me as a rival business owner, intent on devouring the competition - and his home to boot.
~
No matter that dozens of other neighbors with no affiliation to the hospitality industry also opposed it. No matter that Evins Mill is located on a forested and restful forty acres over an hour from the nearest urban center, while my neighbor's home sat on a half-acre lot in an urban neighborhood. No matter that I served on the board of the state association of inns and was later asked to serve as its president. No matter that when my neighbor once inexplicably asked me to acquire his home - and thus his business, I categorically refused.
~
No matter that nothing in my biography suggests I am motivated by such avarice. None of this mattered to Nutjob, who incessantly pitched neighbors and city officials alike that I was unscrupulously trying to sabotage his business expressly to benefit my own. So convinced was he of this fabricated and far-fetched reality, he eventually sued me for $50,000 and filed an injunction that would have effectively muzzled my opposition. He later retreated - perhaps even he grasped the absurd.
~
Other than disclosing his gender, I've taken every precaution to hide Nutjob's identity. It would be in poor taste to do otherwise, though prudence also played a role - I'm not exactly itching for another fight. To be safe though, I've established a legal defense fund and ask you to consider a donation or note of support by clicking here. Or if you're an attorney and are open to bartering with Evins Mill, call me - after this blog, I may need to lawyer up and mount another defense.
Having been married to, employed by, and, until recently, governed by a nutjob, you are not alone my friend.
ReplyDeleteYou have my sincerest empathy. And I thought I had it bad. Good to know I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteBeing a self proclaimed authority of nut jobs I think you have left out much spice in this tale. A book could be written of the escapades of this particular "nut job" and I feel certain there are volumes that are unknown.
ReplyDeleteHave you considered the book possibility here and all the lively research that it sould involve?
You can only fit so much into one of these blogjobs, and this one was the longest yet. But yes, you're right - the subject deserves more attention. I actually have considered something more extensive - God knows, the possibilities overfloweth. Perhaps we could collaborate?
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately I have the misfortune to know the nutjob of whom you refer too but so graciously not name.It saddens me that I find your eloquent definement of said nutjob is but too true. It is tragic when one's delusions overide all sense of decency and creates an environment of hostility, like a caged trapped animal, gnawing and nashing at whomever is close so as to distract himself/herself from the truth of his/her own demise, all self induced. Likewise, created because of false accusations to ones such as yourself. Created because integrity of self is lacking, fogging the window of just and right business dealings, just and right personal dealings, replaced by arrogence and false righteousnous. Nutjob pretends to have no sense of personal accountability. It is he who "has been wronged by all!" he declares almost daily. And the most tragic of all is that nutjob hails under the banner of being a "Good Man, a Godly Man, A Christian Man". I have heard these words come out of his mouth on to many occasions, and mostly when laments about how everyone has done him wrong. Nutjob has disgraced himself and yet is blinded by the thorn in his own eye that he only sees what he percieves is the evil in others. JB Keel
ReplyDelete